Funky Town

I'm in a funk. I get them every once in a while, but lately, I seem to be getting them more often. It seems that just about anything can set me off, and its becoming harder for me to get myself out of these funks. What set me off today you ask?

1) There was a cute guy in today. 27, single. Red hair, goatee, pretty eyes. Joked with me. And I couldn't get the nerve to ask him if he was seeing anyone. Nope. I thought about it as I doing his refraction. "Which is better, one or two? How 'bout dinner on Friday?" I have no guts. No friggin' guts at all.

2) The newest to the group at work, Kevin, needed someone to help him with something today. I offered to help him in just a matter of moments because the person he'd asked was already with a patient. His exact words were, "I don't want you." Well, isn't that just great! Now, not only do I have guys telling me that in the dating scene, they tell me at work. Of course that put me in a sour mood. He kept saying, "You're taking it personal." WELL YES! You tell a woman, no matter the content, that you don't want her, she's gonna take it friggin' personal! If he'd have said, "I'd rather have someone with a bit more experience help me with this one," OK, fine, no big deal. But to say "I don't want you." To me. ME! I carry every single one of my emotions out for everyone to see. I'm not that good at holding them in. If you don't know what kind of mood I'm in, you have your eyes closed. If it takes you more then a few days to discover that I take everything personal, and that I'm emotional, you aren't paying any attention. Deb calls me bipolar. I'm tempted to believe her. The slightest thing gets me in the funk, slightest thing can get me out of it. Its who I am, who I always will be.

3) Told a friend today about how I have no guts, and it got me to thinking. I shouldn't have to have any guts! What happened to the guy asking the girl? It still happens for some people. Some girls get asked out all the time. "I was at Applebee's and the waiter asked me out, then we went to a movie and some random guy in line asked me out. Too bad I'm dating so and so...although, if the guy worked at the Ford plant and could get me a new car, I'd probably consider it." So, if these girls can get asked out, why not me? Am I that unapproachable? Am I that ugly? That fat? What? What the freak is it? Why can't I get asked out while shopping at Kroger? Or while I'm working with a patient? Makes me think somethings wrong with me, not them (guys). And if it is me, what exactly is it? I seem to be undesirable to guys. I've yet to be asked out by some random guy. I've had a few people online contact me. Mostly 35+ year olds who are too old for me. Most live WAY too far away. Most can't spell worth crap. Went on a few dates with one guy. Real nice guy, it just wasn't there. If its not there, its not there. But I'm still getting hassled over that. "You know Dee Dee, you did let him go after just a few dates." Yes, and if I could tell there was nothing there then, then what would a few more dates do? Waste his time and mine. I'm not looking just to date. I'm sorry. I want a family. A husband, kids, white picket fence, dog wagging his tail when I come home. I want that. Not because its what I've been told I should want, but because it is the deepest desire of my heart. Way down deep, that's what I want. More then anything. Some people want to own their own business. Some people want to sing. Some want to move to Florida. I want a family. My whole life is geared towards that end.

I've ranted and raved just to say this.

What is wrong with me?

(Cue the melodrama music. Dim the lights.)

P.S. I'm not looking for any answers, just needed to get a few things off me chest. Thanks for listening and check back soon, hopefully I'll be in a better mood!